Shööting for Brüno

Sure, that dude Brüno's got grapes, but so too does his crew. Of course, I've wondered about the hearty souls who follow Sacha Baron Cohen into those cringe-worthy incidents since before he was Borat. Maybe it's because I've escorted hundreds of reporters (and a couple of real clowns) into many an expert's offices over the past two decades. Most often I'm permitted to daydream - as long as I keep it in focus - but there have been a few times where I've wondered whether or not I was being Punk'd. Alas, Ashton Kutcher never once lept from the curtains to envelop me in a bear hug of insincerity, so I have to assume the stupid questions, awkward pauses and moronic non-answers I've recorded over the years were straight. Still, it doesn't make me want to vanish any less when the toothy news-reader I've so carefully lit mangles the college professor's name because she was too busy penciling in her eyebrows on the way over to do A LITTLE FREAKIN' RESEARCH!

But I digress. What I logged in to talk about was the near genius of Sasha Baron Cohen, the reckless satirist who's been cracking me up since he first bumrushed the scene as Ali G. His toilet humor I'd happily flush, but Sasha's habit of saying unthinkable things to gladhanding tight-asses often makes me expel food matter of the plasma. What can I say? I enjoy watching authority figures shift in their seat. I just wouldn't want to be in the same zip code when Cohen shows up for the interview in butt-floss and a bad accent. Does that make me weak? Perhaps. Southern, certainly. No, the photogs who drag glass behind Bruno must have pokerfaces onn their chins, running shoes on their feet and not a lot on their bladders. How else could they capture the kind of tape being played in the latest trailer? Don't ask me. It'll be nine months or so before I catch it on pay-cable...

(Oh, please know that the moon-eyed shooter pictured above has ZILCH to do with Bruno, Borat, Ali G. or any other future Cohen creation. He' s actually a journeyman lenslinger some call 'Spike', who - according to Senator Robert Hollins - is a nat sound master craftsman. Here's hoping he's got a sense of humor. Sure looks like it...)