2. How much Lysol does it to take to kill that gelatinous mass on my dashboard?
3. What part of social distancing does my reporter NOT understand? All he wants to do is sit in my passenger seat and chew his food ten times louder than every other human on the planet.
4. How many sporks can I hoard before authorities get involved?
5. With producers and editors working from home all week, how long before TV stations bulldoze their newsroom and replace them with more anchor lady dressing rooms?
6. Now that I’m no longer allowed in the building, would it be okay to set up shop in that abandoned Cheesecake Factory?
7. Can the old hippie with THE END IS NEAR sign just do a Skype Interview? Surely, he’s got a cellphone in that macrame fanny pack.
8. Does the ‘work from home’ mandate apply to photogs? Gotta say, not a lot of news goes down in my den.
9. Is this IT? Thirty years of learning to pull nuance from noise only to be excommunicated to the parking lot? Three decades spent sticking a lens into some felon’s face only to be struck down by some invisible germ? Umpteen hurricanes under my belt only to be force-fed granola bars in perfectly good weather?
10. Where the Hell AM I gonna pee?