Schmuck Update: Go Home Kenny!

Special thanks to Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig for denying overpaid thug Kenny Rogers' appeal of a 20 game suspension. Rogers of course incurred the wrath of reasonable adults everywhere last month by throwing a tantrum that concluded with the assault of two hapless cameramen. Since then, the three time All-Star has sealed his place in the Jackass Hall of Fame by remaining smug and defiant - even accosting a third photog while authorities booked him on misdemeanor assault charges stemming from the initial incident. Minutes later, the cops bagged this rather Frankenstein-like mugshot of the Texas Ranger pitcher, though it does appear they've digitally removed his neck-bolts.

Whatever the exact reason for this dimwitted ruffian's inexplicable rage, there's something about being a pampered millionaire athlete that really pisses him off. Imagine his blood pressure now that the Grand Poobah of his sport has sidleined him for 20 games and fined him 50,000 dollars. Commissioner Selig:

"Kenny Rogers' behavior towards the two cameramen who were present at the ballpark and doing their job on June 29th, was wholly unacceptable," Selig said in a statement. "I have always placed a special emphasis on the social responsibility that each of us has in Major League Baseball given its proper place in American history and culture as a social institution. The media is entitled to perform its important role without fear of physical intimidation or contact from our players or other participants. While I listened carefully to Kenny Rogers' sincere explanation last week, I heard nothing that would warrant either eliminating or reducing the discipline imposed."

Thanks, Bud. I know this won't break Rogers' career or anything, but it's nice to think of him at home, stewing in his own juices for at least a short while. For someone who apparently detests attention, his juvenile antics sure have earned him alot of unwanted ink and airtime. I can only hope that I've played a tiny part in his continued torment. Schmuck.