Monday, July 18, 2005

Schmuck Watch: Kenny Makes It Easy

Texas Rangers pitcher Kenny Rogers, who's turned being an ass into performance art surrendered to authorities on Monday after being charged with misdemeanor assault after going toddler on two TV photogs June 29th. We here at Viewfinder BLUES have been monitoring Rogers' mental collapse since he first began haranguing hard working camera-ops. (We first sought to determine WHAT exactly fueled his rage, but then we got bored and chalked it up to undersized genitalia.) During today's proceedings, the pampered simian could barely contain his seemingly limitless contempt for lenslingers far and wide.

"You're getting really close, you know that?" Rogers said to WFAA-TV photojournalist Mike Zukerman who was taking pictures of the booking procedure. "You must be pretty proud of yourself, too," Rogers added.

While I'm sure Mike is proud of his honest profession, that's really not important now, Kenny. What IS important is that you get help. Switch to decaf, cut back on the steroids, read a book (soemone will help you with the big words), whatever it takes for little Kenny to finside his inside smile. Do it NOW, before some weisenheimer judge sentences you to your very own reality show, and we all have to suffer. Schmuck.


Anonymous said...

Steroids make you cranky, don't they?

HockeyPat said...

But what do you really think of Kenny?