Being Alfonzo

It's tough out there for a tape. Fancy new recording formats, hot news car interiors, cell phones that double as fancycams ... it's enough to make your average industry standard go rogue. That appears to be the case with one Alfonzo Beta - the yellow videotape currently on a quest to become uber-famous. Sure, Bruno's cashing in on that very concept at the nation's multiplexes, but has he been spotted lounging at Lake Tahoe, hanging at a WNBA game with UFC meathead Chuck "The Iceman" Liddell, or crashing the clamor at the American Idol finale? I think not. Even if he did, I doubt that Sasha Cohen dude could have pulled it off with the panache of a certain mustachioed Sony SX. Said to have left a wife and a couple of Mini-DV's back in Sacramento, Alfonzo's known to stay out all night clubbing with little regard to his state of rewind. Will he survive the gauntlet that is worldwide stardom or suffer like so many other cast-off ingenues and find himself compromising his inner spools in some seedy alley off the Sunset Strip? Hard to say, but we here at Lenslingers Anonymous will monitor Alfonzo's trajectory until he achieves one-named fame, lies down to die in the gutter or at the very least score his own development deal with FOX Reality.

Stranger things have happened...