All About Paul

So, how do you get a bunch of gadget-happy he-men to fawn over an upcoming chick-flick? Simple, wrap it around the life of a photog. Love life, that is. Sandra Bullock - an actress who graduated from the very university I once pretended to attend - has done just that, casting herself as the squirrely girlfriend of a CNN cameraman in the forgettably-titled All About Steve. Here's how the whole thing breaks down:

When quirky crossword puzzle maven Mary Horowitz (Bullock) goes on a blind-date with news cameraman Steve (Bradley Cooper), sparks fly. But as soon as she swoons, he has to bug out for a cross-country assignment. Crushed but spunky, Mary decides to follow her photog wherever the next deadline takes him - in hopes that hilarity, if not decent box-office returns will ensue...

I have to admit, when I first heard the pitch I had high hopes. An A-List Star lending her wattage to a romantic comedy involving a member my own beleaguered breed? An news photog played by an actor who doesn't look like he should be eating cookies on 'To Catch A Predator'? An upgrade in image for a profession universally portrayed as the token skeevy loner? CUE IT UP!

Then I watched the trailer. OOF... Now, to be fair, it's a very serviceable scenario. Cutesy crackpot pursues reluctant cameraman - with a nice turn by Thomas Haden Church as the obligatory asshole reporter. Problem is, I was expecting that chick from Speed... you know, smart-alecky brunette with ravishing dimples and sly retorts? Instead, we get Bullock 2.0: frosty blonde tips, wacky wardrobe, contrived one-liners. Yeah, I know there's an audience for this broad-based dreck - but frankly it's the exact type of forced adorability that makes my forehead hurt. Thus, I'm sitting out All About Steve - until my wife eventually rents it and insists I sit with her while the whole thing unspools across our living room. Who knows, I might even like it.

On the other (upturned) thumb, I'm altogether stoked about Paul Blart: Mall Cop. Though unfamiliar with Kevin James' TV work, I suspect he's found his inner Austin Powers. At the very least, whoever opted to put him in a bad cop moustache and on a Segeway should immediately be presented with the Oscar of their choice. I only hope there's a scene in which the portly security guard chases a photog off the property. We could use some positive exposure...