Schmuck Alert: Hacked off in Sac-Town

Crazy from the HEAT? Ninety degrees? Really?

Don't you just hate it when Mr. Clean falls in a vat of warmed-over butter-bean juice and chases you around the inner city? I do, but, hey, when you drag a TV camera around with you, you're bound to run into the occasional cartoon. Take Sacramento (please!). Temperatures there topped a whopping ninety degrees the other day and news crews fanned out to hype the climate. All went swimmingly at first. People jumped into pools, others sweated on cue and somewhere a giant thermometer was being fished out of a distant prop closet. Then it happened. A rogue ray of sunlight upped and melted one dude's brain. How else do you explain the actions of one Mr. Kermit Shirt, who took such umbrage at being filmed that he ditched a perfectly good bumbershoot and went to swingin' his attache case. Careful, fella! There's three decent issues of Boy's Life magazine and a half-opened juice box in there!

Now I don't know what triggered this particular Schmuckaleptic fit. Perhaps it was the heat. After all, ninety degrees IS almost hot! Or maybe Kermie there just didn't want to be photographed cowering under an umbrella in broad daylight. I can't really blame him, but that's no reason to go all clerical on an innocent news shooter. I only wish the reporter lady had better explained what set this guy off, for sometimes random buffoonery isn't enough. We need context, background, analysis. Hell, they didn't even include the part where Mr. Greenjeans took of with the photog's tripod! Un-cool. That report was already in danger of collapsing under the weight if its own cliches. Finishing it without sticks was downright dangerous, as someone could have got hurt. Luckily, everybody survived and while I may take issue with proper equipment usage, their really is only one tool up there and he's wearing an ugly green shirt. In fact we have a technical term for worms like him...

Schmuck!