As a hard-boiled purveyor of soft-centered news, there are few things I still hold sacred. How could I - when all the great themes in the world have been turned into the likes of theme night on Idol. Take that paragon of broadcasting, the water-skiing squirrel. What was once a quirky little story about a rodent on a tow rope quickly came to symbolize my industry's descent into insipidness. I myself have referenced him repeatedly as a living emblem of all that is predictable about the back half of your favorite newscast. Which is why it pains me so to learn the little rat sold out. Meet 'Twiggy" the water-skiing squirrel. Sure, he's cute all perched up there on Weaver's shoulder, but as far as I'm concerned this little nutcracker is a fur covered fraud, a corporate shill who can be found cavorting on cue at your nearest boat show. That's where Chris Weaver caught up with him last week and if I sound bitter, defeated and jealous that it wasn't me, well, it's because I am - er, was.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go call dibs on the next talking moose that blows through town.
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