Curiosity's Henchmen

Contrary to what my neighbors think, I don't hang on my station's every update. Fact is, I watch precious little local news, a habit I picked up from my children back when their idea of a good time centered around a bucket full of Barbies. These days, I'm far more apt to crack open a hardback than willingly flip over and see what the hair-do's are sellin'. It's not that I don't wanna stay informed. But at almost 44 years of age, I got but so much cranium space to devote to jokers I don't know. Besides, as a practicing cameramanthropologist, I don't have time to keep up with each and every outrage. Not when I'm a phone call away from thethickofit.

"Hey guy, know that lady they say mowed down that cop? No? Well, she's scheduled to exit a courthouse door in thirty minutes. Be there."

Okay, so maybe that's NOT how Texas news shooter Michael Humphries ended up dead center in this photograph by Helen L. Montoya of the San Antonio Express-News. For all I know, he's absorbed every detail surrounding alleged drunk driver Sandra Coy Briggs. Or maybe he's like me and lives a full life without ingesting pixelated chit-chat. That way, he was unburdened with needling details and just joined in for the love of the hunt. Hmmm? What's that?

"I hate perp walks."

Maybe so, Mr. Humphries, but it didn't stop you from nailing the subject at hand. See, I've studied the resulting report and it has all the markings of a professional hit. The way you navigated that narrow walkway, flipped your filter wheel every time the light source changed and avoided taking out the radio guy with his over-sized microphone flag and electric blue i-Thingie. Not to mention your positioning! Pivot, spin or parry, you found a way to be where the camera demanded and as a result you bagged the perpetrator's dirtiest of looks! Hey, that's not just a felonious scowl; it's the kind of facial expression that launches a dozen updates. So while you may harbor a distaste for the chase, you didn't let it stop you from bagging your limit -- and you did it all with the kind of facial expression most often found on the faces of seasoned correctional officers. The mark of a pro, indeed.

Now if you'll excuse me, the guy who lives beside me wants to talk about the local moratorium on anteater farms and I gotta find a way to tell him I don't even know what that means...