Tooth or Consequence

Thing is, he KNOWS you've seen it. What red blooded American news crew hasn't? After all, that scene where Bob Barker wipes the golf course with Adam Sandler is considered one of the greatest movie cameos of all time. So while that skinny microphone shtick may make it with the ladies on Aisle 5, this legendary game show host must realize that to a large swath of the population, he's that old cat who kicked Happy Gilmore's ass. Which is precisely why I wouldn't bring it up should he blow through my town. So far he hasn't. But he did drop in on a certain bohemian hamlet to my immediate West. While there's no official tally of how many pets he spayed and neutered with his bare hands, I'm told by my friends at Ashvegas that he didn't drop a single photog while he was in town. Phew! Clearly no one challenged him to fisticuffs, no one disrespected lovely Janice, no one stepped up and told him, "The Price is Wrong, b-”

Well, you get the idea. Celebrities are a prickly bunch. Sure, they may flirt and twinkle with TMZ, but when they wander far from Hollywood, they're best left unprovoked. Take it from me; I once asked Garth Brooks if he ever tired of singing that 'Achy Breaky Song". He laughed and I was emboldened. Several weeks later I jokingly told Richard Roundtree of Shaft fame to "Shut yo mouth!". He didn't, but he gave me a look that caused me to spend the rest of my time at that celebrity golf tournament wishing I'd shut mine. So the next time a showbiz legend, sports icon or washed up soap star finds themselves slumming in your zip code, tread light-ly. The only misconception you'll shatter will be your own and if any fans are tagging along, they'll rip your throat out at the first sign of anything but fawning respect.

Now if you'll excuse me, I believe I see Mr. Leno over there. Wait'll he hears these knock-kock jokes I wrote down in ketchup...