Sty of the Beholder

Is that a gleam in your eye or just a rerun of 'Weeds'? It's a question you may soon ask your office mates, assuming futurologists have a clue. Ian Pearson - fresh from his parents' basement - envisions a day not so far from now when we'll pop in a pair of contact lenses and tune to our favorite TV show. If that's not immersive enough, there's even talk of digital tattoos that create impulses in accordance with the character's emotions. You know, so when that red-headed guy on CSI: Miami rips off his sunglasses, you'll know what it feels like to be an overacting tool. Those in the know say wafer-thin screens laid upon the eyeballs shouldn't interfere too much with your day. Onlookers may note the wearer's eyes look a little tinted, but I'm sure it's nothing that state trooper will mind too much when he pulls you over for driving under the influence of, say, Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle.

Truthbetold, there's more ramifications to this theoretical quantum-leap than I got time for on a Monday morning. I mean, not since the holodeck on Star Trek: The Next Generation has a piece of non-existent technology held so many implications for the couch potato in your life. Think that football fan in the living room ignores you all season? Wait until he can slap his favorite player on the virtual-ass. Does you Mom get a little wigged out during her afternoon court-shows? That's no potted plant she's gyrating on. In her mind, it's a bailiff named Rusty, and yes, you will be needing some therapy... And you Mom, ever wonder what your teenager's doing watching The Hills in that darkened closet? Now - more than ever- you don't wanna know. And what pray tell, is next? All the world's collected cinema available on a wi-fi temple implant? Yuppies on the subway, mouths agape and palms upturned as they watch that Olbermann eviscerate O'Reilly on their candy-colored iLids?

Yes, social norms will indeed suffer from this eventual breakthrough. We've ALL stood in the checkout line and winced as some nimrod with a Bluetooth wedged in his skull held a raucous conference call with half his fantasy football league. Wait until you have to watch that same crew take in a fresh episode of SportsCenter. Or worse yet, Dancing with the Stars...