Heffalumps and Noozles

Crikey, look at the SIZE of that thing! No, not my big melon head; the heffalump grazing in the distance. He’s (she‘s?) just one of the new pachyderms you’ll find chewing the scenery at the North Carolina Zoo. Ten years ago I began making regular safaris to Randolph County‘s crown jewel, where friend of the show Rod Hackney would lead me and my lens through a living menagerie riddled by third graders. Back then we’d shoot four separate pieces in a single day and I’d leave the park totally spent and smelling of elderberries. These days The Zoo Filez is produced out of house and the only time I get down there is to shoot the occasional yak and pony show. Such was the case today, when zoo peeps unveiled the Watani Grasslands Reserve, an $8.5 million dollar overhaul of their venerable elephant and rhino exhibit. Expansive and interactive, the Watani Grasslands afford visitors a new look at the zoo’s marquee creatures - sometimes from as close as forty feet away. That’s within flying dung distance! Trust me, you do not want to be in the sights of these slow-moving sharpshooters when they’re feeling pissy. They can do things with a prehensile tusk that Major League pitchers can only dream of. Don’t worry though; they mainly just target hippies in PETA t-shirts…

Now if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go Photoshop more hair over my bald spot. No wonder the baboons were looking at me funny...