Secret Garden Tips

7 Things I Learned (but already knew) at today’s Grow-Room Bust

The effort, energy and technical prowess required to set up an illegal grow room in your basement could easily bring you a fine salary in any number of electrical, botany or engineering fields - with no fear of prison sex.

Though not nearly as jumpy as when taking down meth labs, certain rural deputies will don bunny suit, gas mask and even hip waders before entering a smelly basement full of half-grown weed.

No matter the education, ethnicity or income level - two out of ten motorists cannot physically restrain themselves from yelling “WHOO-HOO!” when passing live truck encampments. Waving is optional.

No amount of incense will mask the smell of 134 reefer trees in your cellar. Try Stick-Ups.

Electrical linemen aren’t as macho as they look and, even while disassembling a dope grower’s elaborate power system, will still stop Fox affiliated news crews to ask about American Idol.

Undercover cops will repeatedly warn news crews not to film them, then saunter, strut and preen through every possible camera shot in a three mile radius.

Law enforcement officials notoriously overestimate the street value of confiscated pot plants, employing the exact same kind of fuzzy math that stoner behind the counter at the local Stop-N-Rob uses to count back change.

No matter how many pot pulls, round-ups and drug busts you’ve collectively covered before, someone in the electronic media will always, always jokingly ask if they can take home a sample...Tee-Hee!