Sunday, May 04, 2008

A Message from the Media...

Chad pre-liveI think I can speak for every North Carolina news gatherer when I say, "LET'S DO THIS THING!" One more fluid intinerary, fake motorcade or security sweep and I'm goin' mental! Look I'm all for Democracy but you people are blowin' this thing w-a-y out of proportion. How long we been doing this? Since March? That's when a mob of hopped-up Obama-cons first bum-rushed the Coliseum Complex. Since then it's been a blur - a flickering reel of endorsement orgies, hectic pressers and a thrumming number of potential constituents. What all this simulated momentum has to do with governing our great land I ain't so sure, but if I wanted to manufacture this kind of clamor I'd go back to pimpin' American Idol. They got w-a-y cuter interns.

Not that The Road to the White House is just another reality show past its prime. Hey it was good enough for Abe Lincoln - and he wore a funny hat! Come to think of it, he didn't have an army of TV lenses wherever he went: you know, electronic interlopers in roving logos, ready to parse his every high-def syllable to a land of plasma-fatties. Sure, his wife was a little nuts, but Mary Todd Lincoln got nuthin' on Paula Abdul. That woman can traipse across a hotel lobby with a tranquilizer dart hanging from one shimmering buttock and still make the back pages of People magazine. Think what a pair of sequined jeans and some hair-gel could have done for Honest Abe: leader of the free world or a development deal with Fox. IS THIS THING EVEN ON!?!

Chelsea TimeI don't even know anymore. Each time I plug in my headphones, some John Mellencamp dirge takes over my brain and I find myself wanting to pull a Gillooly on the nearest Republican or buy a pick-up truck, I'm never sure. What I do know is all this primary hype is gonna leave a mark on the Old North State. From Murphy to Middlesex to Manteo, local news-yokels are thrusting their logos toward a global showdown, the first real American Presidential election in The YouTube Era. How lucky we country bumpkins should feel that it passsed through our state, I suppose. Maybe I'll feel that way in a couplel of weeks when I'm back to stalking strawberries or some such. For now I can only hope for a smooth Tuesday with nary a hanging chad in sight. Otherwise me and every photog I know are driving you excitable types straight to Indiana. Buckle up!


Weaver said...

Just got home from covering the last Bill Clinton speech of the day in Reidsville (that's an hour drive for me, one way).

He arrived an hour (or so) late and spoke for another hour (or so).

I took pictures...but that'll have to wait....It's 1AM.

Anonymous said...

I'm in Indiana. The level of coverage (smotherage?) here is insane -- but because I'm not in the TV biz, I get to just hit the Power button on the remote. My sympathies to you for having no choice but to chase this thing around the past several weeks.