Editors Note:

EDITOR'S NOTE: Fresh off a three year managerial stint, your friendly neighborhood lenslinger is back on the street and under heavy deadline. As the numbing effects of his self-imposed containment wear off, vexing reflections and pithy epistles are sure to follow...

Monday, August 27, 2012

Schmuck Alert: Run, Jesse, Run!

Screen shot 2012-08-27 at 8.58.13 PM
If the top schmuckologists at The Lenslinger Institute woofed down a bag of magic mushrooms and locked themselves in a dimly lit room, they couldn't come up with such a delicious scenario:
A wedding videographer cheats his customers (allegedly!), draws the attention of local TV stations (predictably!) and bloodies an innocent fancycam while making his less than great escape (cowardly!).
His name is Jesse Clark and he runs like a little girl. Actually, that's unfair to little girls, for the female 'tweens in my life don't drop everything and bolt every time a camera crew comes around. But that's what this 28 year old grown-ass man tends to whenever an indignant microphone is shoved in his face - which lately is a lot! It all started when scores of newlyweds told two Connecticut television stations about the shoddy work they paid for at SureShot Portraits. According to them, Jesse Clark showed up and shot their wedding as promised, but failed to deliver a finished product of their special day. (Hey, what can we say? Editing's a bitch - especially when people expect you to finish in a reasonable amount of time.) The TV stations smell blood and before you know it, Jesse Clark and his band of grumpy customers are gracing small screens in and around Worcester.

If all that bad pub weren't troubling enough, Jesse and his father made it infinitely worse when news crews approached them  at the Milbury Police Department back in June. Clark and his proud pop were turning over hard drives to investigators when the journalists closed in. Recognizing the opportunity to explain himself (and perhaps offer customers a fig leaf with his hard drives full of beaming brides) Jesse instead bends at the waist and plows straight through the Fourth Estate! It's a bitch move through and through - especially when the wedding 'tog in question shoulder-checks one of the news shooters - sending an up and running fancycam scattering across the blacktop. As the camera comes to a rest, you can see Jesse Clark himself wince - understandably aghast at the juvenile maneuver he'd just employed. But he doesn't pause for long. Rather, he picks up speed, launching a hard-target search his credibility, if not his missing testicles.

Recently, Jumpin' Jesse actually showed up in court to face arraignment. The charge: Asssault and battery on a fellow photog! Released on his own recognizance, Jesse Clark will return to court on October 18th, whereupon he'll no probably lose control of his bladder at the first sight of a news crew, then head for the hills, where he apparently keeps an emergency supply of adult diapers. Way to go, Jess! With your marginal talent, you've managed to upset blushing brides, provide two TV stations with endless fodder and actually lower the reputation of wedding shooters everywhere. We here at TLI didn't think that was even possible - and not just because the mushroom buzz is starting to wear off.


View more videos at: http://nbcconnecticut.com.



Anonymous said...

I guess this means I better edit my wedding video or else my wife will chase me down. I've only waited 2 years and 3 months to edit mine.

Does this put me on schmuck alert?

Jeff A.

turdpolisher said...

2 stations devoting 8+minutes to a wedding photog? Must be a slow news day.

OurDailyFred said...

With all due respect to turdpolisher, if I had been doing the line up I would have run it fairly high. It features:

- heartbroken brides

- consumer crime (allegedly)

- violence on tape

- sleazy (alleged) criminals

- tips on how not to be a victim

- and the police who admit there is not much to go on legally so far, are giving many brides dubs of the raw video they can then have edited or keep it raw.

Top that with the attack on a TV photog. Every newsroom knows the folks in the newsroom stand up for each other (at least when they're not stabbing each other in the back -- in certain markets).

You have a woman being pushed by the bad guy, you have a photog assulted by a bad guy and you have an expensive bit of equipment bouncing across the lawn.

There is ample cause to spend time on this story.