Editors Note:


EDITOR'S NOTE: Fresh off a three year managerial stint, your friendly neighborhood lenslinger is back on the street and under heavy deadline. As the numbing effects of his self-imposed containment wear off, vexing reflections and pithy epistles are sure to follow...

Thursday, May 03, 2012

Schmuck Alert: May Lay!

Screen shot 2012-05-03 at 6.48.58 AM
Despite a strict diet of energy drinks and Boba Fett PEZ dust, most members of The Lenslinger Institute's selection committee lost consciousness around three a.m. Their mission: locate any mention of a spring ritual that calls for the assault of a senior photog. We couldn't find one. Yet there must be some reason behind the senseless attack of a Northwest-based news shooter. It happened Monday, when veteran KING 5 photographer Richard Departee began covering a May Day march in downtown Seattle...
“I found myself in with a group (dressed in) black, kinda Gestapo-looking thugs – face masks and dark glasses – I think as soon as they saw me it was like ‘Hey get out of here, you know, scum,’ and started pushing me,” he said.
Yup, no better way to spread your message than by taking a crack at the one person best equipped to share it with the masses.
“Then one guy took his one-inch dowel, a wooden pole with the red flag … he just took it back and popped me in the face,” said Departee.
What the hell? Down South, we celebrate the beginning of May with a fresh round of Mint Juleps. It just never occurred to us to dress up like Ninjas and beat the shit out of anyone who comes near! But that's how they do it Seattle. Perhaps the disaffected youth there should lay off the Starbucks and, oh, I dunno, GET A JOB! You know, something honorable like taxidermy or advertising. They could even set aside their rancor and pick up a news camera, maybe change the world one frame at a time, instead of bringing shame to their city with thuggish behavior in the name of, the name of, the name of... Freedom? (Didn't they see what that Braveheart film did to Mel Gibson? Dude's a lunatic!) Anyway, we here at TLI need our sleep so we're just gonna wish thirty year KING TV veteran Richard Departee a quick recovery and hope he someday gets a chance to shoot the perp walk of his assailant. In the meantime, come to Carolina, Mr. Departee! We won't take a pole to the side of your head but once we smother you with Southern hospitality and Sweet Tea, you may wish we did. As for those cowards in black...

Schmucks!

2 comments:

Amanda said...

The schmuck who hit Departee, yea I'm sure his professor at Evergreen State College is proud of his little anarchist-wannabe protege.

F'ing idiots need to pack them selves up to Somalia if they want real anarchy instead of playing smashy-smashy on the streets of Seattle.

Oh and Stew...the Great Northwest has a wonderful craft beer culture. Perhaps you should offer some of North Carolina's brewery products instead of that unmentionable drink that starts with T...

cyndy green said...

It is all over...went on a Hoodie rally in my area and the Nation of Islam was patrolling the parade and tried to hands on move me claiming they were in charge of security.

Nope - did NOT happen. A simple, "Young man take your hands off me" worked. This time. (Musta been my tone of voice and glare.)