Monday, March 21, 2011
Fembot Not Included
Hey, stations! Tired of buying those pesky video cameras? There’s an app for that! And those lippy schlubs who think portage is art form? Can the lot of ‘em! All your really is the iPad 2 and a pretty person to hold it. So finds the fine folk at WKRG, who recently sent web reporter Lauren Styler out to cover a story with little more than the trendy tablet. Okay, so she had a photog trailing her and the whole purpose of the shoot to see if it could be done, but you’ll understand if I’m a little put off by the casing of my replacement. I don’t want to say it’s a watershed moment, but I think I know how Ah-nuld felt when the newer Terminator poured in under the door. Obsolescence? You’re soaking in it... I just hope I’m (not) there when The Suits inform the photogs their services are no longer needed, now that a direct descendant of Merlin is riding high in some spokes-model's purse. It’ll be like telling a kitchen full of career firefighters they’re being replaced by six ashtrays and a George Foreman grill.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m a HUGE fan of Apple. They’re like the R&D department of the entire computer industry. But just because something is technically possible doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. (Snuggie, anyone?) And while most of my ire is pure writing device, I gotta ask: Is using a futuristic tool to shoot the same old song, dance and extended stand-up progress at all? Perhaps, but no amount of magical gadgetry will make up for a lack of imagination and we as an industry are as low on original vision as we’re about to be on fresh videotape. So you’ll excuse me if I remain unconvinced, for any report that ends with the line “Time will tell” is about as cutting edge as that Carpenters 8-track stashed in my attic. Besides, can an iPad 2 get you lost en route to the story, then make up for that lost time in the edit bay? Can it waltz through a crowded ballroom dressed like a roadie and not feel the lest bit self-conscious? Can an iPad 2 trade off-color remarks with its buddies at wholly inappropriate times?
Probably, but you’re gonna need extra batteries.