Editors Note:


EDITOR'S NOTE: Fresh off a three year managerial stint, your friendly neighborhood lenslinger is back on the street and under heavy deadline. As the numbing effects of his self-imposed containment wear off, vexing reflections and pithy epistles are sure to follow...

Thursday, January 06, 2011

Schmuck Alert: Call the Law!

Since 2005, we here at The Lenslinger Institute have issued countless Schmuck Alerts: snide little jabs at ass-hats dumb enough to attacking a functioning fancycam. This one, however, is PERSONAL.

Crazed hillbillyHow could it NOT be, when founding member Chris Weaver is the victim of what can only be termed a felonious assault? Sadly, that's exactly what happened this afternoon when he and reporter Katie Nordeen found themselves on the side of the road in Davidson County. They were there following up on repeated claims of animal abuse; seems a local equine group noticed two horses they deemed malnourished. When a few phone calls didn't stir up much, Katie and Chris drove out to the address in question to have a look. Weaver was standing in the right of way of a public road, shooting video of the horses when a frothing crackpot straight out of a Stephen King novel rolled up and rolled up HARD.

"I knew when he jumped out of the car I may be in trouble....all I could think is...."Uh, Oh...this is gonna hurt."

Ya know, I though I'd met every type of unhappy customer there is. I don't remember ANY as unhinged as one Mr. Kirkus. In his world, it's perfectly acceptable to attack a cameraman if you perceive him to be your land, to go after him with a stick, to rant, rave and threaten in a manner that makes those Mel Gibson phone rants sound like the sweetest of all booty calls. Really, Mr. Kirkus - what universe do you live in where acting like a cartoon character is permitted? Did you think such behavior would all the queries about your suspiciously skinny horses? Are you as inbred as you look? Or did the greasy mullet and demented spittle come with the hat? Either way, you've got a lot more problems on your unwashed plate than mere neglected equine. You Sir, are facing two (2) Felonies. That's big city talk for 'little gray room'. I certainly hope you get to explore every crack and crevice of one real soon, for you appear to be little more an incoherent menace.

"He swung a few times hitting me on the lower right leg calf muscle and then on my camera lens as he swung the stick higher."

Unlike the near-murderous Mr. Kirkus, Chris Weaver was the essence of restraint. When the room went stupid, he kept his cool and followed the most basic tenant of Cameramanthropology: "Always Be Rollin'". Not only did Weave keep the red light glowing, he kept his own temper in check. That's no easy feat when a camouflaged madman is attempting to go agricultural on yer ass. But then Weaver's a pro. He knew anything more than self-defense would only agitate the jackal. He knew "the law" was on his side (and hopefully, on the way). Most of all, he knew the camera was recording EVERYTHING and rather than have to explain any lopsided drop-kicks, he'd be better off forgoing the heroics. That said, it is a pure act of providence that Kirkus backed off when he did, for it is the nature of grown men and detached tripod handles to want to strike back. I wasn't there of course, but I can tell you with great confidence that the Chris Weaver I know wasn't going to take another lick of that stick.

"He left a mark on my leg...It's a nice bruise...but otherwise I'm fine."


That's a rather charitable position, Chris. Others I know would have limped away, collapsed into a ditch and demanded at least few days off to grapple with the trauma of it all. Remind me to keep tabs on Kirkus' case as we make him the poster child for unhinged simpletons the world over. Schmuck!

11 comments:

turdpolisher said...

asshats like that give asshats everywhere a bad name.

glad the mighty weave is okay. kudos to him for keeping his cool. textbook.

Nathan Parsons said...

makes me wish i still was amoungst my former brethren to hear the story first hand. To hear Murray running past to tell Karen. And then to hear some producer wonder if they should run it...

Weaver, once again, becomes the man I hope to someday grow up to be.

Anonymous said...

What Would Weaver Do...

Anonymous said...

While the behavior of Kirkus is inexcusable and this is in no way meant to defend it, it differs little in nature--in its expression of prejudice and cultural dislike--from your own posting here. Apparently, you have brought your own unreasonable, unquestioned "big city" stereotypes to bear on this incident. You have called another human being "inbred," described him as having a "greasy mullet" and "demented spittle," said he was a "waste of flesh" and ought to be extinct (i.e., dead). And lastly, you have called him a "homicidal hillbilly" when Davidson County isn't in the mountains. I would suggest that you clean up your own act if you want to consider yourself any better than Kirkus when it comes to showing respect for other people.

A true hillbilly

Brenda Bowers said...

Just saw this on FOXNEWS. They have shown quite a bit of what was recorded and are making a headline story of it. Too much to expect the Nuts out there will take warning about attacking a camera. As far as I am concerned it is only the news you guys give us that we can believe. BB

snowdogs said...

Weave handled it a lot better than I would have! The second time he hit me, Iwould have introduced Kirkus to my little friend, the can of LEO strength pepper spray I keep handy in the car.

Senator's Forum said...

Weaver handled himself well in this instance. Wonder what would have happen if Kirkus tried that with me, did you know?

Anonymous said...

As a reporter who has stuck many a mic where someone didn't want it, I have nightmares about the day I really get it. This video WAS my nightmare, only with a much better ending. I thought for sure when that guy started coming he wasn't going to relent, and while he obviously swung it proves more people than not are more talk than they are action. What I keep wondering is, what was he thinking the feed pail was for?

Lenslinger said...

"-- You have called another human being "inbred," described him as having a "greasy mullet" and "demented spittle," said he was a "waste of flesh" and ought to be extinct (i.e., dead). And lastly, you have called him a "homicidal hillbilly" when Davidson County isn't in the mountains. I would suggest that you clean up your own act if you want to consider yourself any better than Kirkus when it comes to showing respect for other people."


Anonymous,

Granted, "hillbilly" isn't the most appropriate appellation, as Davidson County is overall rather flat. I toyed with 'White Trash' but hoped to avoid any cries of racism. As for "inbred,", "greasy mullet", "demented spittle," and "waste of flesh" - I stand by those characterizations.

Your free to differ in opinion and I welcome your input. Know that if another chromosome-challenged reprobate attacks a cameraman, I'll most likely weigh in again with harsh words and ill intent. In fact, you can count on it.

Thanks for reading.

30frames said...

I'm still in awe at Weavers ability to restrain himself from striking back. This man truely deserves the title of Schmuck, please keep us updated on what happens.

liveapartmentfire.com said...

I see no reason to use diplomatic language when describing this fool. Lay it on, Lenslinger.