Thursday, May 06, 2010

Emergency Exit Plan

It should be noted that when overnight assignment editor Jacki Cisneros realized she and her husband had just won the Mega Millions Lottery, she finished out her shift. Mature? Youbetcha, but I suspect 266 million dollars would cause this photog to promptly go Kent Brockman...

No doubt I'd high-five a few coworkers on my way out the door, but cruel fate would probably intervene in the form of a misjudged knuckle-bump and I'd end up fracturing my clavicle.

One things for sure: I'm hiring Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings to play my going-insane, er going-away party.

Once I checked out of rehab, I'd call together key County Commissioners, City Councilmen and assorted school board members to tell them once and for all that the cameraman in the corner considers them complete and utter buffoons. Then I'd probably leave town.

No way I'm buying anything as doomed as a TV station, but you can look for those late night infomercials to be replaced by my personal reel mixed in with every episode of Bullwinkle.

Using my new found renown, I'd bring important reform to the rental cop agency, work to ban the revolving door and sink some serious coin in the company that makes yellow crime tape. That shit's got a future.

I'd rent the top of some high-rise as my workspace, lock myself in and finally write that damn book. Weeks later I'd probably be spotted in a downtown park - wearing a top hat and monocle - telling stroller moms and woodchucks alike that I was finally gonna start writing that damn book.


Fec said...

I'll crank out 10K words if you will and we'll call them Chapter 1.

turdpolisher said...

you'd look dashing in a monocle.