Usually I'm not one for issuing fatwas, but this dude should have his teeth kicked in. That, or charged with attempted murder. Think I'm kidding? This ain't no Schmuck Alert. That would be far too tame for this little felon, who - when caught hawkin' knock-off handbags at the New Mexico State Fair - decided to go medevial with a KRQE tripod. That action was rash. Grabbing what looks like a pretty new Satchler, the fake-goods pusher hurled the three legged beast toward the camera(man) with a force that has to be seen to be believed. Now, I'm no criminal profiler, but that is a dangerous individual.
Luckily, his aim was off. The flying sticks only grazed the photographer, injuring him slightly in the leg. Other vendors reportedly jumped in and security booted the dude from the fairgrounds. Too bad they didn't stuff him in the back of a squad car. Anyone who denies that that blunt, top heavy bundle of metal couldn't have cleaved open someone's head has never wrested a pair of sticks up a spiral staircase. I have and I got the pinch marks to prove it. Hopefully the New Mexico State Police, who are investigating the counterfeit purses - will examine the tape that all convicts this fine young taxpayer of assault with a deadly weapon. Until then, tune in here for his consistent villification.
It's one more reason why ... I'd rather be invited.