Sunday, November 19, 2006

A Reporter's Retort

Varner hears voicesAs promised, Jeff Varner weighs in with one reporter's take on my most recent Top Ten list, Things I'd Teach Rookie Reporters. Please, no wagering...

1. Buy me lunch sometime. I don't make any money either.

2. If I buy you lunch, two words I expect your selfish ass to say -- THANK YOU!

2.5 I'll carry your sticks, if every now and then you leave them in the truck.

3. Speaking of sticks, if a great moment is breaking and I miss it because you're setting up a friggin' tripod, it's Hammerin' Time!

4. If you're nice to me, I'll set up a story at a swimsuit competition and request you.

5. On-cam divas suck. Behind-the-cam divas suck more.

6. Talk to me like I'm two and I'll tell that reporter you hate to work with that you love it when they tell you what to shoot.

7. After two hours of Sports Talk Radio, I'm touching the radio.

8. If I'd rather not be working one day, your sour ass disposition ain't gonna make it any better. Quit Yer Whining!

9. That cellphone vibrating your crotch as the perfect soundbite is about to rollout of a mouth needs to keep buzzing. Whispering "hello" in the middle of a soundbite next to a boom mic is rude and screws up those valuable nats you love so much.

10. I'll write to the video if you'll shoot what I want?


Anonymous said...

Correct me if I am wrong, but isn't Jeff Varner a "rookie" himself? What an ass.

Lenslinger said...

Jeff's not an ass. Nor is he a rookie anymore. His list, like mine, was formulated with great facetiousness and delivered void of malice. So lighten up, Francis.

in-gun-ear said...

Yeah Francis, lighten up. Jeff is "one rightous dude"

Weaver said...

Holy Crap! He told me about the list, but the details...that's salacious! (sp?)

BTW - I've never get the swimsuit shoot!

Anonymous said...

I dont know, lunch is a bit to ask for, and thats on the days that ya stop for lunch. I'd say coffee is a better bet. Who's gunna turn down dunkin donuts?

Sports Dog said...

Hey V, I'll be happy to leave the pod in the car. Just as long as you edit a bunch of shaky shit together.

Anonymous said...

Why are some taking this seriously? Varner is very good, and has a great attitude. He works well with producers and photogs. This list is tongue-in-cheek.

Billy Jones said...

You know, when you first told me the station had hired Varner I thought I avoided Survivor all those years only to get the cast and crew stuck in my face 5 nights a week-- this sucks, but then after watching the work you, Jeff, Chris, and the rest are doing I think Jeff has been a good addition to your programing. Now go tell your boss I said all of you are to get a raise.

Oh, and tell the crew not to run over my airplane as you're flying from story to story. ;-)

Anonymous said...

I don't even see him as the Survivor guy. I enjoy watching him more than any other Fox 8 anchor, no offense to them. He's just better. I hear bigger markets calling. Though I'd like him to stay, he should answer the phone.

ewink said...

What's survivor?

#8 is totally me. :P I'm such a bastard.

Good list!