13. Ninety seconds in pretty reporter chick leans in and snatches microphone off podium, while her dirtbag partner lowers his tripod legs.
12. Your assistant didn’t mention that crouton on your cheek.
11. Rookie shooter leaves a little plastic wrapping on station’s antique light, which begins smoking, immediately triggering the overhead sprinkler system.
10. You begin to regret greenlighting the sock-puppet idea.
9. Both of the pasty newspaper guys are scribbling Chaucer quotes in their skinny notebooks and digging Sudoku scores out of their Members Only jackets.
8. The person who insisted the podium go there didn’t account for the blinding sunlight, passing freight train, inherent risk of electrical shock.
7. Blood is spilled when gum-smacking radio hacks duel to the finish in a flurry of white man roundabouts and inexplicably large microphone flags.
6. The guy you hired to take pictures won’t look at you. In fact he’s huddled in the corner with an upturned camera, licking batteries and sweating profusely.
5. Screeching feedback from rented loudspeaker deafens local sound-crew hippie.
4. Power Point System hiccup show’s project coordinator’s vast secretary fetish photo collection on wide-screen, complete with bad soundtrack, scrolling multi-text and cheesy wipes.
3. Even your most shameless suck-up isn’t pretending to pay attention.
2. There’s only one TV cameraman left on the premises and he’s in the lobby with his lens stuck to the aquarium.
1. Amplified Flatulence. It ain’t a metal band.