Editors Note:

EDITOR'S NOTE: Fresh off a three year managerial stint, your friendly neighborhood lenslinger is back on the street and under heavy deadline. As the numbing effects of his self-imposed containment wear off, vexing reflections and pithy epistles are sure to follow...

Monday, December 05, 2005

Diagnosis: Tube Death

"You'll never guessed what just died downstairs..." my wife said as I walked in the door.

My forehead wrinkled at her use of the 'D' word. The woman's an E.R. nurse fer cryin' out loud. That's when a certain gray box popped into my head.

"The...Tee-Vee?", I croaked.

"Yep," she nodded. "I was watching for your school bus story and it went 'POOF!'"



TV DOAShoulders slumped, I turned and walked downstairs to pay proper respects to my fallen friend. It sat there in the cabinet, speakers silenced, 37 inch screen forever dark. Plopping down on the couch, I stared at the fireplace's reflection on the tube's surface. As the flames danced, I thought about the good times...Wrestling it out of the box and into my very first house in 1993...watching home movies of my oldest's first birthday moments after she blew out the candles, marveling at how images I'd first seen through a tiny black and white viewfinder earlier in the day looked in full color big screen color on the evening news...movies, cable, VHS and DVD...

As I sat there, caressing the remote, guilt washed away all my warm feelings. Truth is, I hadn't been watching my old pal like I probably should have. I'd even discouraged my kids from doing so well, often (gasp!) turning it off and demanding they get active. Sure, I still logged an hour or two every other evening, but more often than not I spent my den-time staring at my laptop rather than bathing in my RCA's loving blue glow. But that glow was forever gone now and I guess I knew it was going to happen. For the last month, a small section of the screen had become distorted, then the reds and oranges began to look a little funky. 'It'll be fine', I told my family, 'It gives it character'. But I knew it wasn't fine, for it was apparent to any TV geek that my boxy friend was slowly dying. I just didn't think he would go this quick. As I stared into the milky abyss of the eerily silent screen, my wife came into the room and sat down beside me.

"Honey," she said as I peered into the ether.

"Yeah babe?"

"Don't think for a moment you're gonna hang one of those flat things on our wall."


Fecund Stench said...

We buried our old 23" on a beautiful hill which we visit occasionally.

Is there not irony in your story?

Colonel Corn's Camera said...

Oh no she didn't. You can't let her get away with that kinda tone. This is a perfect time to get a plasma and call it a Christmas present to the whole family. Come on Stew, think HD baby. Take her to the store and show her Discovery HD Theater on a plasma. If they happen to be showing one of those ER docs she will be sold.

HockeyPat said...

I just got a new 42 inch best friend.

Best thing EVER!

Don't worry about your lack of TV viewing for HockeyPat is surely picking up your slack.

I sometimes think I'm the only person outside of Homer Simpson who isn't ashamed to admit I'd watch even more TV if I didn't have to go to work so I can pay for my 42 inch DLP. (BTW, after massive research, I came to the conclusion that DLP is way better than LED, Plasma and the Holographic Deck of the Starship Enterprise)

Winston said...

A '93 set died? I guess that's what you get for buying RCA - or did you treat it badly? Set speakers on top? Never dust the poor thing?

I have a 20 inch "MGA" (the old Mitsubishi appelation) that I bought in 1988 - while in college, so I didn't spend a whole lot. For the last 4 years, it has been sitting on my screen porch plugged into man's most wonderful invention - an outdoor cable outlet. Through temps in the teens to over 100, from no humidty to 100%, it still works the same as ever. Same great picture! Bringing me the latest in sports programming while grilling steak or enjoying a smoke.

Remote failed though. No one's perfect.

David Boyd said...

Leave this woman.

Matt said...

'93 Amazing!
Now that's craftsmenship! Time for a flat screen panel display. . . .drool drool drool. Gotta come up with a compremise! I like the Christmas present idea.

in-gun-ear said...

STAY AWAY FROM PLASMA! PLASMA IS NOT YOUR FRIEND!! From burn in to a life span that will NEVER get close to your ole friend.

Look at a 34 inch CRT HD or a DLP if you want something larger. (You know you WILL need something to watch that new HD transmitter I am putting in!)

I personally LOVE my 34 inch Sony HD set. I got it in 2003 after a good friend since 1983 went POOF!!


Chris Morton said...

Ok... if you want the future of Pimp'n television, just go with a digital projector, and use your wall... 150 inches of theatre like atmosphere. Now you've officially been pimped.

Weaver said...

I've got my finger's crossed that the TV in my bedroom goes poof so that I can play switch-a-roo with the living room TV and get me an HD.

While I was down in Saulston last weekend hangin' out with my mom down the road from your mom I noticed the picture on her 32 inch floor cabinet set is starting to separate into primary colors.

My dad bought that thing when I was 12!!!! Of course that was only 1985!!

Let's go TV shoppin'!

Lenslinger said...

Holy Hemloch! Nine responses over the death of my TV! I couldn't help but notice all the responders were men, proving how important TV set technology is the the masculine psyche. I will keep you updated, my brothers...

Lensmith said...




Nuff said!