Saturday, November 05, 2005

Schmuck Watch: Mike Celizik

Move over Kenny Rogers, the Photog Nation has a NEW Public Enemy # 1...Welcome sports writer Mike Celizik to the Viewfinder BLUES home studios! This arbiter of old school fashion has rightfully earned his place in our Spotlight of Derision with a spectacularly sweeping passage in his latest column, a rather pithy dispatch published on something called MSNBC. Here's some background:

Green Bay Packers coach Mike Sherman, forlorn and constipated after a dreadful season, called his bloated presser to a halt after an annoying ringtone emanating from the press pack went unclaimed and unsilenced. Oopsie! Now, press conferences and cell phones are like peas and carrots, though not as tasty. Some organizations ban these vile devices and their alarming shrills from media summits, as is their every right. But to berate a crowd that's hanging on your every word and then storm out of the room just makes you look silly, Coach. Look, I love Favre and the boys as much as any other casual fan of 'Something About Mary', but that big G on your tit doesn't give you the the right to act like some third-world despot. Heck, maybe it does - I've smelled some locker rooms that reminded me of undeveloped countries. But I come here not to analyze the ravings of of a hothead, but rather to spotlight the scribblings of a weasel. Enter Mike Celizik, who brings his psychic abilities and outdated headwear to the fray with the following observation:
'Wednesday, the phone belonged to a cameraman, a species of media worker known for their disdain for most rules of civilized behavior. No subgroup within our industry is more likely to dress sloppily, make rude noises, literally run over anyone in their way and generally behave as if the rules do not apply to them. As with all groups, the worst behavior is concentrated in a few individuals, with the others sharing in the blame through no fault of their own other than association. But it’s no surprise that a cameraman was the guilty party.'

Wow - a sportswriter lecturing me on proper etiquette. I'd just as soon take grooming tips from Osama Bin Laden. How exactly Celizik knows the offending party to be a lenser is unclear; later reports cite a reporter from Milwaukee as the source of the unwanted sound. As for Celezik, I've never heard of him before, but others sure have. If that hate-blog isn't enough the chapeau'd internet scribe is winning new legions of anti-admirers among the teeming denizens of The thread is worth your visit if only for Grangeway's hilarious theory on why Celizik dresses so formally. Personally, I'm just looking forward to hearing how he enjoys his locker room camera-orgy. Schmuck!


Jorge_Guapo said...

"...big G on your tit doesn't give you the the right to act like some third-world despot."

I guess I'll go get my tattoo removed.

Chicago Dog said...

Though that hate-blog exists, I somehow believe this self-important jackass gets his jollies knowing there's a score of people who detest him.