As much as I focus on it here, it’s no secret I one day hope to write myself OUT of the TV news business. Call it a natural progression, a mid-life crisis or delusions of grandeur, it matters not to me. I just know that eventually, I’ll put down the camera for good. It’s no slam toward my gracious employer. I’m still convinced that El Ocho is one of, if not THE best television station in North Carolina. The people I toil alongside are smart, hard-charging competitors and I’m still very proud to share their logo.
But the truth is, I’m spent. What started as a burning desire to master all things TV News years ago has turned into a dull throb, a nagging realization that I could continue to push the ‘RECORD’ button every workday until I’m a dottering old relic with a bad back and even worse attitude. I desperately don’t want to be that guy. For years I’ve tried to mask the unsettling feelings I have toward my chosen craft, usually with little success. That’s not wholly unusual, as my line of work is filled with talented expressive people who can deconstruct the vagaries of the business while turning in truly remarkable work. Translation : we all bitch, even when we’re eating the other guy’s lunch.
But lately the inherent stupidity of the form has filled me with a palpable malaise, which goes a long way to explaining why my recent posts have simmered with such existential angst. Maybe its all this navel-gazing. The very act of blogging (especially about one’s job) requires more self-examination than is probably healthy. I’ve never been one to keep my feelings to myself, but ever since I decided to crank out daily dispatches from the news-front, many long-ignored truths have become downright undeniable. That either means I’m doing something right, or wasting forty-plus hours a week punching the wrong clock. Whatever the case, I’m not turning in my two-week notice just yet - not as long as my family continues needing sustenance on a daily basis.
Which brings me to the title of this post. I truly do consider 2005 to be my Year of the Blog. Consider it a self-imposed twelve month excursion into the crusty recesses of one photog’s brain. Or don’t consider it all. Either way, I’m still committed to sharing my world-view with all that stumble across this humble site. I started doing so in hopes of developing a more rigid writing discipline, and for the most part it’s worked! Maintaining such regular output can be lonely, maddening and incredibly rewarding. Whether or not I can walk away from the narcissistic thrill of steady feedback remains to be seen, but something tells me I need to go away for awhile to fashion something of real worth.
Until that time, rest assured I’ll be striving to come up with something to say. Every once in a while, my drivel may have some actual merit. Other times, my seething epistles will be like this one - little more than space-filling filibustering. But what did you expect for nothing? High quality content? Next blog over please…There you’ll surely find more political screeds, consumer warnings and pet photos than you could possible ever process. Nothing wrong with that, I suppose - but I hereby pledge to keep this site on-message and in focus. Save the occasional foray into more esoteric fare, I’ll continue to blather about local TV news in all its shame and glory. Why? Because I feel its what my six and half steady readers come here for, and more importantly, it’s what I feel strangely compelled to write about.
For now, anyway.