Twisted Symptoms

If you've ever wanted to delay an emergency medical airlift until the light is j-u-s-t right, you may very well be a photog.

If you've ever sat in the corner of a late-day committee meeting and prayed for a pistol-grip and/or the apocalypse, you may very well be a photog.

If you've ever bitched about how long a lake dredging takes, you may very well be a photog.

If you've ever fractured the time-space continuum so video of a lone road sign could grace the screens of a million living rooms, you may very well be a photog.

If you've ever cursed the darkness of a crashing laptop while helicopter spotlights danced over a nearby debris field, you may very well be a photog.

If you've ever turned a jumble of screenshots into something safe for consumption all while choking on the taste of hairspray, you may very well be a photog.

If you've ever watched handheld footage of a unicorn being born and thought "I could do better', you may very well be a photog.

If you've ever grimaced at the sight of a fat shaft of daylight flooding through a conference room window, you may very well be a photog.

If you've ever watched red blotches form on a lunch lady's neck as she told your tube how tasty Tater-Tots are, you may very well be a photog.

If you've made it to the end of this insipid list without glancing at the stack of head-shots you keep on hand for passing fans, you may very well be a photog.

Don't worry, though. Modern medical science is improving all the time.

(Many thanks to Jake VanDonge for the inspiring Instagram!)