Dead Skin Not Included...

It’s not often I shoot consumer news, but when a lack of staffing put one of our Deal or Dud segments at risk, the suits rashly threw the switch on the Lenslinger Signal. At least I think that’s what that big “L” in the sky stood for... What I do know is ninety minutes after it appeared I found myself lying on the floor of a Kernersville home as a soft-spoken grandmother scraped dead skin off the bottom of her feet and onto the top of my lens. Would I lie? Possibly, but I’m not. Besides, if I could make shit like that up I wouldn’t be sitting here talking to you. I’d be walking in circles somewhere in Burbank, holding an overly clever homemade sign and wondering if I should have saved the particular piece of snark for my blog. Okay, so I could very easily fit in that crowd, but I choose not to. See, I’m a News Man - a serial purveyor of truth, tripe and consequence. Unlike those goateed schlubs smoking cloves outside Leno’s office, I use my powers to tackle The Tough Issues. You know, like corruption at City Hall, strife in the inner city and whether that leg-scraping egg thingie they advertise at midnight is worth a hard-earned ten spot. Still don’t believe me? Dig this vignette: shot in thirty minutes, edited in under sixty and completely forgotten about minutes later.

Who’s the loser now?