Lost in (Con)Fusion

Pardon me for wandering off topic, but something called a Gillette Fusion showed up in my mailbox yesterday and I can't stop staring at it. Can you blame me? It's gorgeous - an aerodynamic implement so overstylized you'd think the lunkheads from American Chopper dreamed it up. With its gleaming chassis and blue piping, I wasn't sure whether to stick it in my medicine cabinet or drive it around the block. And that was before I unsheathed it from it's hermetically sealed packaging. When I did, I realized why the damn thing arrived via postal carrier. The TSA won't let this much cutlery aboard any commercial aircraft. I can see why. With its 5 blade 'shaving surface technology' and extra precision trimmer blade, The Fusion boasts six - count 'em six on-board razors. Six! There are entire Eastern Bloc countries that protect their borders with less weaponry. Granted, I'm no fan of the clean-cut look, but even the freshest metrosexual would have a hard time explaining away this abomination. Personally, I blame the original iMac - the candy-colored computer that proved consumers do care about the way their technology looks - even technology that's destined for the bottom of a forgotten bathroom drawer. As for the sharpened arsenal, chalk it up to America's love of overkill for the sake of overkill. Just don't toss it in your carry-on bag and try to catch a flight. You may very well find yourself shackled off the coast of Cuba, using your new toy to peel potatoes, stir gruel and shank any over-affectionate cellmates.

That'd be too bad, as it makes for a fine shave.