Editors Note:


EDITOR'S NOTE: Fresh off a three year managerial stint, your friendly neighborhood lenslinger is back on the street and under heavy deadline. As the numbing effects of his self-imposed containment wear off, vexing reflections and pithy epistles are sure to follow...

Friday, December 31, 2010

Schmuck Alert: OH N-O-O-O!!!

Schmuck Alerts were once reserved for crimes against the video community, but as technology grows so too must the wisdom and vigilance of the Lenslinger Institute. Thus, I submit the first ever Schmuck Alert issued solely for still photographer abuse...

Macon SchmuckWoody Marshall was doing what you might expect a newspaper photographer to do at the scene of a press conference: taking pictures. That was until a lumbering oaf took issue with his technique and tried to wrestle the camera from his hands. Or maybe 28 year old Malik Brown had another reason for rolling through the lobby of Macon, Georgia's City Hall like some evil Mr. Kool-Aid bent on ripple and vengeance. OH Y-E-A-H? Oh shit. The evidence is on the tape. It begins with Malik Brown pinning the smaller Mr. Marshall against a wall, then attempting some kind of do-si-do maneuver before exiting the building with all the grace of a buffalo in his death throes. Once outside, Mr. brown grapples with another snapper, pushing and pulling the man while imploring him to relax. "Better calm down, better calm down..." the concerned citizen is heard advising. Hey, I got an idea. Keep your beefy meat-hooks off me and my pulse will slow. Until then, I'm gonna do everything to distract you until some bailiff decides to man up and hit you with his Taser. Or tranquilizer dart. Schmuck!

5 comments:

Amanda Emily said...

I've known gruff old retired still shooters who have admitted that in the old days to diffuse this sort of situation they had two defenses that today's modern plastic cameras don't. Either fire a flashbulb in their faces at close range or hit 'em upside the head with a speed graphic - the former will temporarily blind you and the latter will knock you out.

jhs said...

I saw that online yesterday and knew you would schmuck it up. This is completely unacceptable and I hope the man is convicted of assault.

Anonymous said...

Amanda- Hitting this moron back would put you at his same level. Best to not hit back unless you are backed into a corner with no other option.

Amanda said...

@anonymous - my mentioning of flashbulbs and speed graphics should give a huge hint as to the era those old photogs were working in.

I may be a damned fool at times, but I'm not stupid. These days its more prudent to just punch record and let 'em take a swing...the presumed settlement in the aftermath should buy yourself a nice vacation if not some new gear. In my case if someone did try to take a swing since I'm only 5'3" - it'll make them even look like bigger jackasses.

JimmyD said...

Thanks for posting this one. I've known Woody for a long time, and he's not known for being a problem.

No way do I believe that he did anything to provoke this. Yeah, he was moving fast, but it's pretty darned obvious what he's doing.

Glad they charged that moron.