Editors Note:


EDITOR'S NOTE: Fresh off a three year managerial stint, your friendly neighborhood lenslinger is back on the street and under heavy deadline. As the numbing effects of his self-imposed containment wear off, vexing reflections and pithy epistles are sure to follow...

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Jonesing for a Manifesto

This Just In: A befuddled Lenslinger has reportedly taken himself hostage in his upstairs lair with an ample supply of Guatamalan coffee, a few tattered notebooks and his beloved Achtung Baby CD. Analysts believe the photog-blogger is staging a desperate attempt to write something worthy. Details of his progress are sketchy, but alarmed neighbors have reported seeing an overly furry figure in wrinkled cabanawear striking Elvis-like Kung Fu poses in front of his second story window. A SWAT team has yet to be called, but Reactionary News 6 has obtained copies of three abandoned diatribes - all fished out of the Pittman family dumpster by our crack squad of I-Team hairspray vultures...

Steve Irwin is dead and no one's happy about it. That includes me; my kids love The Crocodile Hunter and explaining his sudden demise was a lousy was to start the week. My oldest says she wants to be a zoological vet. She may change her mind but I credit the exuberant Australian with kick-starting her interest in the field. I'll miss his Uber-Ossie schtick, his too-tight khaki shorts and most of all the way his proclivity for wrestling wild animals made my friends at the N.C. Zoo go absolutely batshit. As for that video of his underwater death, let's hope it never surfaces. Otherwise the photog (and the ghoul)in me will demand I watch it. Just being honest.

Jury selection has begun in the Rhode Island nightclub tragedy known as the Great White Fire. There are enough victims and survivors of this blaze to fuel a thousand posts, but as always, I think of the shooter. When WPRI photog Brian Butler saw the band's pyrotechnics first ignite the foam covered walls, he wisely retreated, kept his camera focused and reportedly urged others to get out as well. Three minutes later the club was an inferno. Some pundits faulted him for not doing more, but that's an easy call from a cushy confines of an air-conditined news-set. Having cut my own teeth shooting local bands in crowded nightclubs, I wonder if I would have had the state of mind to seek immediate egress - let alone keep rolling.

For better or worse, Katie Couric is now the face of the CBS Evening News. Let's see... overpayed morning mouthpiece lands coveted anchor gig at damaged tiffany network while jealous colleagues recoil and a nation of viewers swoon. Nope, couldn't care less. It's my belief that the protracted brouhaha will eventually be judged as much to do about nothing - as the cult of personality is one the wane now that advanced technology makes it so easy to customize personal news intake. Besides, who still watches evening newscasts anyway? Wait - don't answer that. I gotta show my face in the newsroom tomorrow and pretend I'm enthused about filling ninety more seconds of dead air. Can't we just show an old Bullwinkle episode instead?

Stay tuned to Reactionary News 6 for extensive team smotherage of this unfolding story. Just don't get too excited, this guy hasn't written anything worth a damn since early 2005...

2 comments:

turdpolisher said...

Sorry to hear that you've taken yourself hostage. Just don't pull a knife and refuse to come out because the media will embarass you like the whackhob in BR today.

http://turdpolisher.blogspot.com/2006/09/its-gotta-be-moon.html

I'll try to stay away as to not chagrin your entire family.

Not Ready For FM said...

Your story about the Great White Fire reminds me of the same debate about not doing more that surrounded photographer Ron Simmons. He was shooting while a protester set himself ablaze on the town square in Jacksonville, Alabama, in the late 1980s. He kept the tape rolling while the disgruntled man became a human fireball.

Meeting Ron later (and working with him at the same station briefly), he never really made a big deal out of it - someone else had to tell me that was the same guy. It was just another day at work, so it seemed. But he never wanted to talk about it.

Wish I knew where he was now...